This summer we had the pleasure of having Anna from Anna Mayer Photography (@AnnaMayerPhoto) in Milwaukee, WI take our family pictures (she also shoots in Los Angeles, San Jose & San Francisco). She made Jude laugh and didn’t mind trekking with us all over the city to find fun locations to shoot & I’d highly recommend her – especially for pictures of kids & families because she so easily put Jude at ease… plus just look at the final product.
We spent the afternoon listening to the social worker describe this little girl that we matched with, a sweet Peach that’s been picked for us.
We combed through stacks of paperwork from K4 assessments that showed how thoughtful and compassionate she is – to notes that demonstrated she’s got some challenges to overcome. It should come as no surprise since she hasn’t had a permanent home since she was 2 years old.
Want to know what always surprises me?
How resilient humans are.
We can endure so much, and yet turn out to be wonderfully loving people who go on to make a difference in the world.
Peach is beautiful. She’s half Native American and half Guatemalan.
She’s not a member of the Tribe (which would make an adoption much more difficult), even still, we’ll have a lot to learn because she deserves to know her own history.
She’s a great big sister to her foster siblings, even though she’s still a bit socially awkward at school.
There are claims that she’s been affected by alcohol, but she’s made great strides in the past year in terms of catching up with her peers thanks to her loving foster home.
We thoughtfully digested all the information – even the very difficult bits – and then searched our hearts, knowing we could only say “Yes” if we both completely agreed.
“I kept waiting for the bottom to drop out. But it never did,” Nick told me.
We don’t know how the story ends. We expect there to be twists and turns, but we definitely want to take another step in Peach’s direction.
We’ve been told we’ll get to talk to her foster mom soon, and then, we’ll meet Peach.
Ever since I got the call on Friday that said we’d been matched with a 5 year old girl, my head has been spinning. All I have is a name, gender and age… and yet it’s so easy to build big hopes and dreams off so little.
I’m trying not to.
I’m trying to stay calm and just wait until we get all the facts before jumping up & down, because maybe she’s not the one. And yet, my heart hopes she is.
The amazing thing is that Friday was my birthday – my golden birthday. I woke up and one of my first thoughts was, “Could today be the day we get the call?” which was then followed by, “No, Esther. That’d be too good to be true.”
And yet…
It happened.
While at the car wash no less. Where it was loud and unexpected.
And when the social worker said her name, I cried.
It took awhile to get through to Nick but when I relayed the news and told him her name, he cried too.
So… here we are. About to find out all the details – the scary ones (why she needs a forever family) and the happy ones (what she loves and is good at).
We also get to see her photo. We’ll find out if she looks like us, or if she’d add a new shade to our family.
Whether or not we are her forever family, she’ll always be in my heart – the first match. On my birthday. A gift worth more than words can express.
Potential adoptive families who passed the application screening are generally notified by a letter of the decision to move ahead to the Home Study phase. You’re then assigned a social worker who will be your licensing specialist, and depending on your state’s regulations, may or may not also be part of the placement procedures.
It seems a bit backwards that the person who gets to know you during the home study may not be the person who connects you with a child, but that is often the reality. Their job is primarily to be a resource while you’re moving forward towards getting licensed, and to create a folder (in international adoption terms: the dossier) which houses all the information and legal documents they’ve collected.
The home study process can take anywhere from 8 – 16 weeks (or longer) depending on how quickly all the background checks and CPS records come in for review by your family’s social worker.
This time frame and what precisely is included in the home study is probably what varies most from state to state so it may be helpful to review your state’s regulations. As an example, I was recently talking with a friend from Texas who said the social workers in her county actually open cupboards and look at how food is being stored, which is much more extensive than anything we encountered.
“Flexibility and a sense of humor are vital characteristics when raising children, and they can be useful during the home study process as well. With perseverance and a positive outlook, you will be able to team with the social worker to make this a valuable learning experience—one that will help you do the best possible job in parenting the child who will eventually join your family.”
The cost of a home study
Unlike in international adoption where a home study can cost $1,000 – $3,000 or more – in foster adoption it’s free. However, it does have a shelf life (usually of 12 months) so that families must continue to move forward or face having to start over because the state and/or local agency wants to make sure that all the information is current.
What to expect from your foster adoption home study
Your licensing specialist will essentially ask you all the same kinds of questions that were in your application to gauge the readiness of your family to move ahead with the adoption process, and to facilitate a good match once it comes time for placement. Be prepared for 3 to 5 visits to:
Assess the condition of your home and make sure its in compliance with applicable laws + regulations
Interview all residents living in the home
Arrange for pre-placement training
Basic home requirements
A big, fancy house is not required. Here are the things that stood out to us that our social worker was looking for:
Working smoke detectors in every bedroom, stairway and on each floor of the home
At least one operable land line (we signed up for Magic Jack because we only had cell phones when the adoption process began)
Stair rails for every set of stairs
All bathroom doors need to be able to lock, and the lock can be opened from the outside in case of emergency (which we were able to have overridden because our doors + locks are originals from the 1890’s)
All windows are screened
Anything potentially hazardous to children must be stored in a non-accessible area (especially guns – although we don’t have any)
At least one ABC rated fire extinguisher
Here in Wisconsin these are the laws regarding the adoptive child’s bedroom:
A minimum of 40sq feet per child
Must have a door for privacy
Must have a dresser and/or closet
Is not shared with an adult if the child is over the age of 1 (unless there’s a medical reason)
Children under 7 can’t have a bedroom in the attic, basement, or third floor of a home
Children ages 6 and over can’t share a room with a child of the opposite sex
I’m a fan of Weight Watchers because it helped me drop nearly 70lbs back in grad school – I’m now back on the wagon to lose the last few pounds gained during my pregnancy. After my initial success they hired me to produce content which gets hosted in places like their Facebook page.
On the rare occasion I accept payment to review a product, know that it’ll always be noted in its associated post, and for better or worse, the review will reflect my honest opinion.
