Esther Brady Crawford - faintstarlite

I know that reverse-culture shock is expected.. but what does it look like? I wonder, am I experiencing it?

It’s been a bit bizarre since I first landed. I came in a week earlier than I was supposed to and surprised everyone. My friend Sarah picked me up and whisked me over to my mom’s house where I rang the doorbell, and nearly gave her a heart attack – she thought maybe she was seeing a vision.

And after about 20mins I ran over to Russ & Beth’s house where an end-of-year XA bbq was taking place… although it wasn’t really for that .. it was for me to surprise everyone. I think Beth was the most shocked … it took her a few minutes…. because I dyed my hair…. I’ll get pictures up soon. While I was in Jordan I went and dyed it dark again.

My second day I spent with my Dad.. which was sooo nice, although he seems very skinny, and not doing as well as I’d hoped.

Then I spent the entire next day trying to figure out my class schedule and registering for classes, etc. My mom was babysitting up in Salem, so I was left alone in the house.. and decided at one point to turn the TV on. Now, we had Arab Sat and we got a lot of American programming.. yet when I flipped it to MTV.. I was really shocked.

They had this show called Date My Mom.. where these guys my age went out on dates with these moms and then at the end picked one and got to then go on a date with the daughter. Bizarre really. There were sexual innuendos every 3-5 seconds. And although we had American shows, they were edited for sexual content.. so seeing just HOW BLATANT sex was being sold.. I was just amazed, and disgusted… actually I still am.

The next day my friend Karla came up and stayed the night… and it was really wonderful just to spend time with her and feel normal.

Since I don’t have a car and my mom was out of town… I was pretty much stranded out in south town… and I realized just how dependent on cars we all are.. I attempted to call a taxi because I wanted to go get groceries.. and it was $3.00 for the initial fee, and $1.75/mile…. seriously, who can afford that?!?

And now I’ve been in Bellingham (n. of Seattle) since Saturday for SICM and have a couple of days left. It’s interesting because today I had a chance to talk with some of the new people I met while here and without any prompting they began to comment on my style and attitude, and stuff. They were like, “We thought you were soo serious, and really really deep the first couple of days.” Well, they still think I’m deep… whatever that means… but I realize a little more each day, that I have changed a lot… and that it’s difficult to know exactly how to act, or what people want to hear about. They ask “How was Jordan?” and what they really want me togive a one sentence, it was great answer.. and then move on.

I continually have to stop myself from saying things in Arabic.. I really want to speak it, but know that it’s pointless… which gives me a sad feeling, because it’s so important to me.

Listening to people talk, and having conversations, I realize that even less people know about the Mid. East than I had hoped.  It really is only thought of as a desert with scary terrorists.. and it’s hard for me to even know where to begin when someone thinks that.

I’m excited to go back home.. I really want to spend more time with my family.. and I have class that’ll begin on Monday.

Things are going well.. but I do miss Jordan… I miss the people mostly… people who understand my political ramblings, and laugh when I speak Arabic in a southern drawl, and get me. I know that it just takes time… and my friends here are great.. they love me and support me… it’s just difficult to have to say goodbye to my other world, and enter into this one.. one full of decadence, and endulgence… and apathy.. and ignorance.

I don’t want to bash America.. it’s a great place… but I’ve never seen our arrogance as clearly as I see it today.

I have a hope that things can change… but it will take time.. and I just have to be okay with that.

Well I just wanted to say I’m back in the States. I arrived last week.. and I’m currently up in the Seattle area for SICM (Students in Campus Ministry). I thought I’d use my chance to let the world know what is going on… I look forward to sitting down and really writing some more about my feelings and experiences about returning. It’s been an interesting transition..

So this is my attempt at catching up in the world of blogging… after having left everyone hanging for over a week.. I’m just going to go through a quick run-through of what’s been happening in my world.

Who goes bungee-jumping in Jordan? Apparently more people than you might think. Several days ago I met Lee, the Korean woman I assist in English, for a tutoring session. There was a lot of commotion in a grassy area of campus, so we walked over to see what the hype was all about. It was a crane, with people jumping off of it… in Jordan… with virtually no safety standards. I can only imagine that those who decided to test fate were also a little alarmed by the guy needed to physically hold the box they jumped out of in place.

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Secondly, my friend Bethany wanted to try wearing a full-on burka around for awhile to see what life would be like behind the veil. Having been to my dorm before, we were both shocked to discover that now that I was bringing a “Saudi-looking girl” in, they wanted her to sign into the building. It was an odd sort of discrimation (Saudi’s are sometimes scoffed at because of their wealth and power in the region). Also, both men and women stared at least as much as they usually do, if not even more. It didn’t take long for the women in my building to figure out who it was – they recognized her just by seeing her eyes… it was truly amazing.

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And at last… I began the process of packing and checking stuff out of my dorm. Knowing this can be a hassle I wanted to get all financial stuff out of the way ahead of time. These are some of my favorite girls I’ve met while living in the girls’ dorm this semester.

They’ve always been so excited to spend time with me, which has made it much easier to get to know them all.

Last week I was able to help Rania [pictured standing in black] by writing up her resume and cover letter for her, which was a big blessing because although she speaks English well, she had no idea how to make a professional resume that would stand out – and although we don’t know if she got the job yet, she is just grateful to have a resume she can be proud of when she hands it out.