I’m currently taking summer classes… and since they’re spread out throughout the summer, I only have one right now – the History of Philosophy (from 1492-1750).
Our first reading assignment had been to read Father de las Casas, a Spaniard priest who was living in the New World and became famous as one of the first people to discuss 
human rights in a modern context. He fought against the mistreatment of natives, and tried to point out that colonization and oppression wasn’t going to make the natives very open to discussing Christianity with them.
It’s interesting because I’ve really connected with this guy that lived nearly 500 years ago. I feel like we are still fighting against the same tendencies today.
Last night I was watching coverage of the G8 conference (nations representing 2/3 of the world’s wealth). President Bush got on television and addressed the African issue by saying that he agreed that more needed to be done, but then went on to explain that he had to make sure his responsibility was to the taxpayers of the U.S. and that America is doing a lot already because we give $4 billion a year in US Aid to Africa.
I began to cry. Half out of sadness because of whats happening in Africa, especially in Darfur – but also in anger and frustration… I wanted to throw something at the television… only $4 billion dollars?!? It sounds like so much, but it isn’t even a drop in the bucket. The U.S. budget is over $4 TRILLION dollars.. and we only give $13 billion of aid to the entire world. It makes me so sick.. and so frustrated… WHY DON’T WE DEMAND CHANGE??
Looking around myself, all I can see is wealth.. I mean… even on the most simplistic 
level… I eat just for pleasure… and there are children who are right now breathing their last breath because they didn’t even have enough food for their body to continue functioning.
I want so desperately to shake up our country … we live in excessive luxury while the world is dying.. and we are a nation full of Christians.
Las Casas, writing to his fellow Spaniards in the early 1500′s felt much the same way… he said, “It is extremely shocking, therefore, that the one whom Christ, the highest goodness, seeks when lost in the mountains, calls back when he strays, and no sooner found, carries back on his scared shoulders, is tormented, rejected and cast aside by you [Christians].”
I really felt that prick my heart… and say to me, not much has changed in the last 500 years.. and it’s really time that we stop making excuses, and start doing more.
I’ve been finding that it’s non-Christian Americans who are more concerned and aware of global issues and crises than it is Christians.
That is so disheartening. And I keep asking myself – What is my part? How can I help be a catalyst for change?
The last week has been pretty rough. I know I hinted a bit about what’s going on with my Dad in my last blog… but part of me really wanted to write it down and be honest with myself about what’s going on.
I feel like if I somehow don’t say it too loudly, then it won’t happen. If I ignore that my Dad is dying, then it will go away.
My siblings have all been really positive and optimistic about his prognosis, even when the doctors weren’t… but last week his doctor told my sister his goodbyes, that it had been nice working with my Dad… but that he didn’t have very long now.
He had been saying some hurtful things, and I got mad at him for it. I think it made it easier – you can’t really be sad when you’re mad… but now that things have worked themselves out, I am left feeling quite empty, and lonely.
As much as I’ve prepared myself for this in the last few years – I don’t at all feel prepared. It’s not supposed to happen this way… it’s not supposed to happen now… I’m just turning 22 this summer.
I don’t cry about it – that would take too long… and I feel somehow callused for being able to look at people and just state the facts. But what else can I do?
Sometimes it makes me angry because we didn’t have very much time together – 13 years ago I met him for the first time.. and I feel like we’re still catching up on lost time.
Who will walk me down the aisle? I don’t have another guy to do that, and I don’t want someone else to.
I don’t think I can express the depth of the hole I feel when I look at him struggling to eat, or to stand up. I want to see him strong and healthy again.
I don’t want him to suffer, but
I don’t want him to die.
So the last couple of weeks have just flown by… for a variety of reasons… namely, I traveled back and was busy getting settled
in… and the on-going drama that is my life within my family. My dad is not doing well at all, and has been really lashing out at each of us, but I’ve been bearing the brunt of his anger. My sisters keep telling me it’s not my fault – that he’s just unhappy because of the lack of control in his life… but it’s really hurtful to hear your own dad talk about you so negatively, knowing that we don’t have a lot of conversations left.
Anyways… I just thought it’d be nice to show some photos… some from right before I left Jordan, and then a few from the SICM conference I attended in Washington.. I suppose it’s a photo entry of life as it’s progressed
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[photo 1: me & host brother Eyas .. photo 2: host family: Zuhair (dad), Sadeen, Lojain (sisters), me, Nisreen (mom) & Eyas (brother) .. photo 3: Lee & me (Korean girl I tutored in English)]
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[photo 4: Toby (my nephew wearing a Jordanian outfit I brought him) ...
photo 5: Alisha (campus pastor's wife who is pregnant.. she wasn't when I left]
[photo 6: picture we made of people posing at SICM .... 
photo 7: at SICM.. (girl coming on staff here at OSU, me, Josh, Mike) .. 
photo 8: a group of us from SICM .. the OSU group and the Tennessee Tech group)]
