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A Lesson Worth Learning
Her lack of interest in a topic I feel so concerned about made me feel a lot like the crispy leaves I was crunching – a little bit torn. I have felt an internal growing dissatisfaction in the past few days. Sometimes I look around and the world feels so foreign – and I wonder, “Has it always been this way – and I just never noticed?”
It frustrates me how easily I become wrapped up in Esther and forget what’s important.
I-don’t-want-to-be-a-consumer. I feel bombarded everywhere I go to buy, buy, buy.. and I despise that I fall for it. I am sickened by the materialism in our culture.
One of the things I loved about the Middle East is that I was always being reminded of how blessed I am. I used to actually have to plot out how much extra change I was going to carry to class because everyday I passed two beggars – one, a woman who carried her infant child and sat in the tunnel, and two, a seven year old boy who stood in front of the university instead of attending primary school.
Maybe that’s what we need though, the in-your-face reality that the class-system of our world offers a bleak future for most people in it. What we don’t need are more cars, or shirts, or gadgets… I swear, they only cloud our thinking.
I want to get better at loving people with no strings attached. To see them as worthy of my money, and time and energy simply because they are alive.
After walking around for a bit I realized that I hadn’t been crushed because of my classmate’s lack of interest in politics, but her lack of interest in me.
Yet, how many times have I done the same – nodding without hearing the person… just being polite enough to wait til they finished rambling on to quickly exit the conversation?
I think we all deserve more than we give one another.
The only thing that lasts are the investments we make into each other’s lives.
[p.s. thank you for the flowers - they are lovely not only because they are lillies, but because they're representative of the investment you're making in my life]
A Lesson Worth Learning
Today after Arabic class I tried to engage a girl in a political discussion that ended quickly after noticing her eyes started to give that
“I’m not hearing a word you’re saying” look. As I strolled across campus towards my next class, I looked for leaves not covered with moisture to crush down on as I walked.Her lack of interest in a topic I feel so concerned about made me feel a lot like the crispy leaves I was crunching – a little bit torn. I have felt an internal growing dissatisfaction in the past few days. Sometimes I look around and the world feels so foreign – and I wonder, “Has it always been this way – and I just never noticed?”
It frustrates me how easily I become wrapped up in Esther and forget what’s important.
I-don’t-want-to-be-a-consumer. I feel bombarded everywhere I go to buy, buy, buy.. and I despise that I fall for it. I am sickened by the materialism in our culture.
One of the things I loved about the Middle East is that I was always being reminded of how blessed I am. I used to actually have to plot out how much extra change I was going to carry to class because everyday I passed two beggars – one, a woman who carried her infant child and sat in the tunnel, and two, a seven year old boy who stood in front of the university instead of attending primary school.
Maybe that’s what we need though, the in-your-face reality that the class-system of our world offers a bleak future for most people in it. What we don’t need are more cars, or shirts, or gadgets… I swear, they only cloud our thinking.
I want to get better at loving people with no strings attached. To see them as worthy of my money, and time and energy simply because they are alive.
After walking around for a bit I realized that I hadn’t been crushed because of my classmate’s lack of interest in politics, but her lack of interest in me.
Yet, how many times have I done the same – nodding without hearing the person… just being polite enough to wait til they finished rambling on to quickly exit the conversation?
I think we all deserve more than we give one another.
Seeing my Dad die has made me accutely aware of my mortality. My life will pass just like a vapor. And all the stuff I accumulate will be rummaged through to be sold or given away.
The only thing that lasts are the investments we make into each other’s lives.
[p.s. thank you for the flowers - they are lovely not only because they are lillies, but because they're representative of the investment you're making in my life]
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13 Responses to “Friday October 21, 2005”
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Twitter: EstherCrawford
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November 7th, 2005 at 7:49 pm
missing you like crazy.
we just got back from christmas shopping. and the whole time there is this nagging discomfort in my gut. the endless cycle of wanting and buying and being dissatisfied! how do i get off? everyone wants to buy stuff for the kids and they got so much stuff they don’t appreciate anything. they toy box is overflowing and christmas will just bring more stuff to jam in there. and yet there is a joy to giving and i don’t want to steal that from the grandparents and aunt and uncles. but dang! and for me, too. i want to say “donate to the salvation army in my name” but i don’t really want it in my name. that rings of self-righteousness. i just can’t stand the injustice of it all. we swim in our possessions while most of the world struggles for clean water. so really, how do i reconcile all these things?
i’ve been out of xangaland for a while. but i think of you often and pray for you.
October 25th, 2005 at 6:38 pm
i know…what do we do?
October 25th, 2005 at 12:02 pm
I miss you and think of you lots…take care friend!
October 25th, 2005 at 3:00 am
Thanks for your concern for my shoulder pain. It is improving. Thinking of you and wondering how all is with your family and you …plus you trying to keep up with school. Lots.
October 24th, 2005 at 6:50 pm
RYC:: Awwww… *imaginary tear streaking down my face* I miss you too!!!
Did you get the pic I emailed to you? It’s made me laugh several times and think of YOU!
October 24th, 2005 at 11:11 am
I loved this post–it reminded me of my summer–working with a lot of the homeless in Nashville, TN…and loving people by looking past scars and of things the world tells us is unacceptable. I was constantly reminded of how much people need the love of Christ. By allowing God to use us to restore dignity and self worth by our actions and words to other people.
October 23rd, 2005 at 1:29 pm
Esther…good thoughts. I think about consumerism a lot too. In fact almost everytime I go to make a purchase I have to decide do I really need this thing, or do I just want it. If I just want it I make myself put it back…most of the time. It’s better to give my money to someone who needs it than to buy a thing I’m going to throw away in a few weeks/years. By the way…I like your profile pic. I think it kinda looks like me, which is confusing…when I see it with messages on other blogs I keep thinking, why is there a picture of me? I hope all is doing well! I’ve been thinking of you during this time…
October 22nd, 2005 at 10:45 am
It is really too bad I don’t know you outside of Xangaland. You have an amazing sense of justice as truth. This is coupled with a beautiful abiltiy to be self-aware. A dynamic due that brings together compassion and justice. I love Micah 6:8, “He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” My friend had it as the theme of her marriage ceremony. No crap about 1 Corinthians 13 at the wedding where everyone just shuts down because they have heard the passage so many times they have become numb. Instead she understood that all relationships (including marriage) are relationships that must embodey justice, kindness and humility. Mmmmnnnnnnnnnn.
October 22nd, 2005 at 1:32 am
Isn’t that the way of it….they aren’t really interested in me or you. I guess in my old age, I’m trying to give people 5 minutes of my undivided attention. I’ve heard all I have to say many times and it’s not so interesting to me anymore. I can count on one finger the older people in my life who really paid attention to what I had to say when I was your age and that older person was only about six years older than me at the time. Everyone needs attention. It’s a small gift we can give someone else.
October 22nd, 2005 at 12:24 am
I’ve been there a time or two… I’m pray’n for you girl ;)
October 21st, 2005 at 11:59 pm
I’m listening.
October 21st, 2005 at 11:33 pm
Thanks for sharing your heart. Esther. Like your flowers. Reminds me of the restaurant we went to last year for our anniversary. I loved the lilies at each table. They do speak life.
October 21st, 2005 at 11:09 pm
have I told you lately that you are brilliant?