Divorcing Friends
I have thought twice about posting this – and yet – here it is:
In any given year, or season of life we have a particular set of friends – often with one or two best friends. Most of the time our friendships evolve and change as individuals move around geographically, emotionally, or psychologically. There are undoubtedly 
natural changes that will occur resulting in friendships being undone. But what about those unnatural splits? The decision one, or both people may make to withdraw their affection from a relationship. It is usually painful, and may center around a specific event or situation where trust was broken.
I keep thinking of Jesus’s example. He was betrayed time and again by those he considered his closest friends. Even Peter who was in the inner-circle denied Jesus at the most crucial hour of his life. Yet he forgave him. I mean – really, truly forgave. The reason I know this is because he restored the broken relationship. After forgiving Peter he called him back into a place of intimacy.
Luke 17: 3-4
I find it difficult to receive forgiveness, and even more difficult to give – yet both are required of me. The most hurtful things have been said to me by family members, and yet I’ve managed to forgive them. If we wouldn’t divorce ourselves from our family, why do we divorce ourselves from our friends?
When we say we love each other is there an unwritten prenuptial agreement? Perhaps it reads: “I will love you and be your friend as long as everything goes smoothly”.
God, in his infinite knowledge about me as a flawed woman, has chosen time and again to forgive me – knowing I will make even more mistakes. I am humbled by this realization.
I know I have rationalized grudges and bitterness before – it is so easy to do.
If when we think about, or see a person – and what we see is their offence – we have not forgiven them, and we are not seeing them the way Christ sees them. I can’t imagine that anyone would want to be my friend if all they remembered was my worst mistakes.
I’m sure there are friends out there who by now I’ve offended – and for that I’m truly sorry. But all morning I have felt like this needed to be said and it wouldn’t go away – so there it is.
Ephesians 3: 31-32
Today I pray for the restoration of broken friendships in my life, and in the lives of my friends.
TheSaltnLight:
People are interesting creatures………..I mourn for a friendship lost, butI wonder why it is so easy for ust to hold on to anger and bitterness….why do we love it’s company? When you feel wronged, when the cause can’t be undone, when there is no way for the problem to be made right completely what do you do? Why can’t I let go? Why can’t i forgive?
I’m struggling….
4 years ago
Czolya:
RYC: The picture with the pillar in it is from Istanbul. I was visiting the Sultan’s palace that day. Here’s a to some pictures on my site from Istanbul and the Palace. There are more, if you’d like to see them. Just look on the left-hand side of my site and you’ll see Turkey Picture links.
Enjoy!
And best of luck with your MA!
4 years ago
kathrynxa: Great thoughts, beautifully written. I could not agree with you more. Well Done dear sweet Esther, well done.4 years ago
lew829:
I sent you an e-mail. Enjoy! Haha… Tryin’ to check out your competition there, eh?
4 years ago
lew829: Haha! My e-mail is lew829 at hotmail dot com or lwrigh27 at jhu dot edu. I look forward to the fun! Thanks!4 years ago
osubeth: renee and kathryn blogged a few days back about safe relationships. if we can’t make mistakes, hold grudges, repent, and forgive within the confines of our safe relationships, then they aren’t safe. a safe relationship doesn’t mean a perfect one. it just means an accepting one-where we work through the difficulties. this takes honest communication-this is where it tends to fall apart in my experience. it is hard to be honest because you don’t know what the response will be. a safe relationship will eventually work through the honest thoughts shared. an unsafe relationship is one where you pretend alot or where honesty never pays off. i so cherish my friendship with you. i would work through anything with you!4 years ago
lew829: Hey there! So Nick has created a banner. I was thinking about posting the two of them when finished and having people vote on them. Haha! You guys are so much fun! Xanga is such a fun yet unexpected place.4 years ago
lucentblue: great post esther. even when those unhealthy relationships need to be released or mended, forgiveness is essential. it’s sometimes hard to get to a place where you can pray for and hope the best for a person from God’s heart. That’s one of my measuring sticks. ps – haveyou seen diary of a mad black woman?4 years ago
Czolya:
You’ve written about something that is very important to all of us – forgiveness. I think a lot of people find reasons, worldly reasons not to forgive.
People wrong and wrong and we are suppose to forgive them? It seems to go against natural selection but if you think about it, ideally, it would benefit us all greatly.
What are you planning to study in graduate school?
4 years ago
KatieYG: Mmmmm…this is good stuff Esther. I really don’t see this as offensive at all–if anything, convicting. And I love it. Definitely makes me step back and re-evaluate all of my relationships that I’ve had. Thanks.4 years ago
Rebeca4A:
I agree with runningnoodle on this one. I have had to walk away from two very close friendships in my life and I do not regret my decisions. It was actually more difficult to walk away than it was to stay in such relationships, but I feel like I am a stronger person. While I have forgiven these people for what caused me to walk away from these friendships, it is not in my best interests to stay, as they were abusive relationships in which I was the doormat that was walked upon a few too many times to recount.
I do think it’s great that you wrote this though…it has given me time to re-evaluate my current friendships and also given me more proof that you are a great person.
4 years ago
runningnoodle: i have cut off relationships, some really huge ones, and seriously not for lack of trying…pearls before swine. Jesus was betrayed by His closest friends, but He also walked away from people as well. i think it is okay and healthy to evaluate relationships. we are Christians not doormats. thats all i have to say about that4 years ago
Czolya:
I will come back later to read and digest this as it seems really needs me to do so when I’m in a more focused frame of mind.
I just wanted to say thank you for your kind words. Yes, words rarely help but thank you for offering them. I am very sorry for your loss…take care, -Colin
4 years ago
bethanyhartman: Right on, Esther. You are so wise.4 years ago
lars_viggo: wow…personally convicting4 years ago
basementdweller: Great thoughts….God help us in all our relationships!4 years ago