It’s easy to think that I am special - invincible to the fragile nature of life as a human. My daily annoyances and accomplishments all seem so important. It feels as if the world ought to care about me – they should know that I am unique and interesting, intelligent and irreplaceable. Perhaps that’s why I have a blog? It legitimates my narcissism.
There are moments when I am struck by how much of life is spent in my own head. My body, including my mouth to speak and my hands to type, express very little of what goes on every day – most events, discussions and debates occur in my mind and never make it to the physical realm.
I came in to work today to get some extra work done and was informed that my boss had a heart attack last night. It almost knocked the wind out of me.
How is it that all that I see, think and feel can seem so important for weeks, months or years, and then suddenly be shattered in light of reality? I have had a few of these moments in my life – epiphanies if you will – when I see how meaningless and fragile my own existence is in the grand scheme. Someday I will die, and when I do people will no doubt mourn and cry… but the universe will not cease to exist, the earth will not stop spinning. Seventy years, even a hundred years is not even a wrinkle in time. The lives I’ve touched will only be around for a few decades after I die.
I’m sure my boss will recover, people do every day. And likely, in a few hours I will go back to my old self. But for now I will feel small and insignificant – realizing my life is just a vapor.
mcdonalds coupons: Thanks much for this wonderful post.51 weeks ago
sillogizomai: “I am struck by how much of life is spent in my own head.” I’m conflicted. Should I feel comforted because I can relate to this statement? Or should I feel angst at the underlying thought that life is much much bigger than what is happening in my head? I think I need to think about it.4 years ago
ForeverFields:
Hope your boss gets well.
Definitely know how you feel; a few movies (of all things) this weekend made me feel pretty insignificant and even ignorant. I think I preferred not knowing some things.
4 years ago
RegularGoy: “It legitimates my narcissism.” You are going to thrive in graduate school. Imagine that kind of language over lunch. Every day.
As to the vaporishness of life: I’m feeling it, too. I’m not exactly sure what to do with my sense of my own absurdity, except blog it to death. So in that spirit…4 years ago
misstrishy: so true!4 years ago
jamminjim: Yeah, life on earth is brief. You share a sentiment with the writer of Ecclesiastes. He spent a good portion of his life gathering wealth and every pleasure that his heart desired, and in the end, it brought him no joy because he realized that the same fate befalls the rich and the poor. Death. And he realized that after his death his wealth would go to another man, and no one would remember him. This troubled him greatly.
He concluded that that best thing for a men to do during their short stays on earth, and this was a blessing from God, was to find enjoyment in their work, and pleasure in simple things.
So your life on earth is a vapor that will effect little and be forgotten quickly. Depressing. But you also have an eternal life, which will not end, you will not be forgotten, nor be insignificant.
/rant4 years ago
basementdweller: I think we need to have these healthy reminders to keep us grounded. I’m sorry to hear about your boss, I hope he feels better soon…bless you and miss you!4 years ago