Esther Brady Crawford - faintstarlite

I lost a bunch more & I talk about meeting Paul (Renetto) in person.

(to read YouTube video comments you have to double-click on the video and go to the site directly)

Getting to my meeting was quite eventful. I always go to the morning one but I managed to sleep entirely through it and was incredibly bummed – it’s such a part of my weekly routine and I schedule my week around it that I knew it’d throw me off. So I quickly decided that I’d head to the evening meeting instead (which is located in a nearby town)… the trouble was getting there.

I had to cycle at least 4 miles of country roads at 7pm without any lights, and barely able to see where the road was located. There was a huge hill (it felt like a mountain) and by the time I made it I was waaay late and very out of breath. It felt like I proved my dedication somehow by going through so much just to stand on a stupid scale. In the end – it paid off.

I had the single biggest loss since September – 4lbs. I knew I’d done well this week and probably should’ve actually been eating a bit more the past couple of days to keep up with how much I’d been working out, but I also increased my water intake, and I’m thinking the combination must’ve produced a big result. It’s rare at this stage to see this big of a loss so I’m keeping it all in perspective for next week, but it was a great feeling for sure.

Total loss: 53.5lbs
BMI: 22.6
Pounds from WW goal: 3.5lbs
Pounds from personal goal: 9.5lbs

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I’m so close I’m actually getting nervous – what will it be like to not want to lose any more weight? That’s just a weird thought but I’m only weeks away from that reality.

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Also, for the first time in my adult life I’m excited for warm weather to arrive – I’ve always dreaded tank tops and shorts weather.  This experience has definitely been transformational in so many ways.

It’s been a rough day so far… perhaps some vulnerability on YT is okay.

This is the video of Dustin’s (losetogain) that I mentioned:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBTRdHg-qJI

(to read YouTube video comments you have to double-click on the video and go to the site directly)

I just read about the premature baby Amillia. Stories like this always get to me – I know there are intellectual debates that are important about the needs of a mother vs. the needs of a child, but it’s cases like this that bring in the much-needed emotional aspect to issues and complications arising as a result of pregnancy. I know that pro-lifers often ignore real world situations and the potential quality of life after the womb, but pro-choicers often ignore the fact that they’re debating over a person, not a thing.

I know John McCain just came out against Roe v Wade, and although my own conclusions put me in the ‘pro-life’ camp I wouldn’t vote for McCain because I don’t think he’ll make a good president. More generally – I’m against the way this entire debate has been framed by the political and religious establishments.

As for Amillia – she amazes me and proves that we’re talking about the future of peoples’ lives. She survived and is going home today after being born at 22 weeks, weighing under 10 ounces.

The truth is that I’m often disgusted by both sides. Abortion has become another form of birth control and the pro-choicers rarely object, thus perpetuating and enabling a system where money and power means more than people. Pro-lifers get so zealous that they throw out names like ‘murderer’ and declare the judgment of God on nations; meanwhile, ignoring the much more prolonged and horrific deaths of millions a year through disease, famine, war, and capital punishment.

In my estimates, too many of the people fighting for the unborn won’t fight for the living… and too many of those fighting for the living won’t fight for the unborn. Somehow we’ve got to be willing to do both.

Okay so back in December when Nick and I went to the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam I felt this burning desire to start painting. I promised myself I’d buy some paints and a canvas or two when I returned. It has taken me awhile but last night I finally did it.

I put on some house/trance music (techno) and then for inspiration I went and looked at a few pictures of Van Gogh’s paintings… then I started painting, hoping to release the inner-Van Gogh. It didn’t happen. What I got was something resembling a third grader’s attempt at rainbows, strange shapes and an ugly tree.

Apparently having a feeling doesn’t exactly equate over to having a talent. Perhaps I’ll try again but I’ve been a bit deflated after looking at this horrid thing. The upside – every time I see my painting I burst into laughter.