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I’m still adjusting to the new title ‘fiancée‘ … in many ways it’s still surreal. The ring is beautiful but since I’ve never been a big jewelry person (and never, ever worn a ring for more than a few hours), it’s been quite an adjustment to have such a large piece on my left hand. I scratch or stab myself with it several times a day. I swear – solitaire diamonds could be used as weapons if one were in a bind.
Creating a wedding budget is perhaps one of the scariest parts of the engagement process. The numbers all seem so large, and there are just so many of them – every little piece of paper or food costs so much money. Of course I’d have to get engaged shortly after having another epiphany about materialism (this happens every so often because after awhile I tend to forget about my desire to refrain from being materialistic and fall back into the pattern). It’s a constant battle. And knowing how expensive even a basic wedding is makes me somewhat queasy.. not because we can’t afford it but because others are going without food, clean water & shelter as I dream about reception decor. I know it’s okay to celebrate and to enjoy the day, but I just need to be reminded that it is just one day… and in all sincerity it’s the other days & years that follow that I look forward to the most. The wedding day itself is just the beginning.
I talked with one of my sisters today for two hours – I’m not sure that we’ve ever talked that long before… ever. In many ways we should have been close since we’re the closest in age of all my siblings (she’s only 5 years older), but because of childhood circumstances and rivalry we never really bonded. I feel sorry for her – her mom (my ex-step mom) died earlier this summer and now she has few relatives in her life. There is still so much bitterness regarding how her mom handled divorcing my dad that few of our siblings will speak to her… which is a shame, but not something either of us can control. I’ve intentionally tried reaching out to her throughout the years because I know the sadness that comes with feeling isolated and rejected by family – and I know the joy that comes when those wounds are healed and the relationships restored. I hope that in time she’ll be grafted back into the family… and in the meantime, I plan on being her friend and her sister as best as I can.
Speaking of weddings and families… I realized that my wedding will be the first opportunity to take a full family photo with all of my siblings. I have plenty of photos with either my mom’s side or my dad’s side – but never both. It may seem like a small thing, but it means more than I can find words to express.
With only a couple of days (at most) that I’ll be working on my dissertation, the end has finally come… and I couldn’t be more grateful. Although this marks the finale of my educational endeavors, I have a feeling it won’t be too far in the future that I’ll find myself in a classroom again since I’m hoping to take a class here and there on topics that interest me.
I’m still adjusting to the new title ‘fiancée‘ … in many ways it’s still surreal. The ring is beautiful but since I’ve never been a big jewelry person (and never, ever worn a ring for more than a few hours), it’s been quite an adjustment to have such a large piece on my left hand. I scratch or stab myself with it several times a day. I swear – solitaire diamonds could be used as weapons if one were in a bind.
Creating a wedding budget is perhaps one of the scariest parts of the engagement process. The numbers all seem so large, and there are just so many of them – every little piece of paper or food costs so much money. Of course I’d have to get engaged shortly after having another epiphany about materialism (this happens every so often because after awhile I tend to forget about my desire to refrain from being materialistic and fall back into the pattern). It’s a constant battle. And knowing how expensive even a basic wedding is makes me somewhat queasy.. not because we can’t afford it but because others are going without food, clean water & shelter as I dream about reception decor. I know it’s okay to celebrate and to enjoy the day, but I just need to be reminded that it is just one day… and in all sincerity it’s the other days & years that follow that I look forward to the most. The wedding day itself is just the beginning.
I talked with one of my sisters today for two hours – I’m not sure that we’ve ever talked that long before… ever. In many ways we should have been close since we’re the closest in age of all my siblings (she’s only 5 years older), but because of childhood circumstances and rivalry we never really bonded. I feel sorry for her – her mom (my ex-step mom) died earlier this summer and now she has few relatives in her life. There is still so much bitterness regarding how her mom handled divorcing my dad that few of our siblings will speak to her… which is a shame, but not something either of us can control. I’ve intentionally tried reaching out to her throughout the years because I know the sadness that comes with feeling isolated and rejected by family – and I know the joy that comes when those wounds are healed and the relationships restored. I hope that in time she’ll be grafted back into the family… and in the meantime, I plan on being her friend and her sister as best as I can.
Speaking of weddings and families… I realized that my wedding will be the first opportunity to take a full family photo with all of my siblings. I have plenty of photos with either my mom’s side or my dad’s side – but never both. It may seem like a small thing, but it means more than I can find words to express.
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7 Responses to “This dissertation business gives me a headache”
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September 5th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
Thanks for the thoughtful and well stated comment.
Sure, Darwin was no Stalin (forgive me Chuck) but was he philosophically similar to Hume… probably not that far off. While I do not personal believe in a young earth and have little theological fear of Darwinism per sa, there is no doubt that his influence has had a huge impact on humanism and materialism.
That said I get your point. To speak more clearly I might have written that Darwin’s devotion to agnosticism was unfortunate for him and our world. Maybe with the right influence (campus ministry) we could’ve avoided this very problem of excluding thoughtful evolutionist, not to mention the problem of all evangelicals automatically being labeled flat earth like numb skulls.
September 4th, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Congratulations! You are right, the wedding is just one day, and the rest of your lives together is what really matters. Take your time planning and do it the way you want to. Nick sounds like a really cool guy. Love ya, Sis. E
PS Congrats on finishing your “official education”, now the real learning begins. And I am glad you got a job you love. That is a big help.
September 4th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
I hear you on the wedding queasiness. I’ve been going through stages of that throughout this whole process. I keep reminding myself how much we’re spending relative to the national $24,000 average wedding. The big day is only 67 days away so things are starting to get crazy. Hopefully we can keep it in perspective. I second the “making it your own.” We’ve had a year and a half to plan ours (way too long, and spent most of it in Jordan) so it should pull together nicely. We’re doing a lot of little things that make our day special (arab food, having a chuppah, “smashing the glass,” writing our own vows, etc.) Check out this website: http://www.indiebride.com Lots of good stuff there. And congrats if I haven’t already said it.
September 4th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
:) i’ve been coordinating weddings for the last 4 years. Simple is not only the best but it’s less stressful! There are a lot of wedding “traditions”… but just make it your own! let me know if you have any questions! :)
September 4th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
If I could do it again, I think I’d have a small wedding at the beach with my family and my closest friends, and send out announcements instead of invitations. ;)
September 4th, 2007 at 11:13 am
A wedding doesn’t have to be a 5 star affair. Make it reflect who you and Nick are and do what’s best for you. It’s not fun to mortgage your future for one big day.
September 4th, 2007 at 9:23 am
you know, that last point you made ~ about your family ~ really says that you KNOW what the wedding day is all about. i don’t see you turning into bridezilla, honey
i’ve been properly chastised about inserting myself into your wedding, hehe, but please feel free to let me know if there’s anything i can do to help!