Esther Brady Crawford - faintstarlite

Engagement is sort of how I imagine purgatory, with the relationship hanging in limbo between two states of being – dating and marriage. Even though I already feel like I have permanently committed myself to Nick, and I wear a ring symbolizing that commitment to him, it’s still not official yet. I’m beginning to think being engaged is an artificial state created by the wedding industry to increase profit margins and potentially impede relational growth. Conversations get diverted away from each other to the wedding… are the ushers’ vests supposed to match the groomsmen? should our invitations have outer envelopes?
Thankfully, neither of us have lost our heads in the process – I can hardly believe the wedding is only 88 days away… it feels both close & an infinity away. This event has ballooned a bit beyond what I’d initially envisioned but it’s wonderful so many people want to be involved, especially as it’s the only time I’ll be able to get all these representatives of our lives together under one roof.
Yesterday Nick & I met with a financial planner and we began talking about how we’re going to merge our money and what our priorities will be. Money can be such a trap and too many couples fight over it (even when there’s plenty), and so we’re trying to come up with a strategy that will work for us. We’re thinking through how we’ll save for our first home, our future kids, etc… it’s still a bit surreal to be at that stage in life already – the first 24 years have flown by and I suspect the next 24 will too.

Footage from a rally I attended in Milwaukee.
I got pretty lucky because somehow we ended up in the bleachers directly behind his podium, which meant I was able to shake his hand as he made his rounds around the perimeter.

(to read YouTube video comments you have to double-click on the video and go to the site directly)

I feel like most of the spaces I use online have been hijacked, and this is one of the few places where I can express myself without apology. Perhaps that sounds strange but it’s true. I want to be free to just be. Not to entertain. Not to advise. Just to be.

Living my life largely online has been wonderful in many ways – I have a record that goes beyond the traditional picture album, and many of my closest friends are the result of the internet. At the same time, the anonymity I used to enjoy is in many ways gone – especially now that I’m working for Weight Watchers on MySpace. I think everything in life has its gives and takes, but I’d like to reclaim this space as my own. So… that’s what it’s going to be from now on. Just me talking, rambling, venting… whatever floats my boat. Selfish? Yes. But I think that’s okay.