7. Go the hospital in the early phases of labor. Get there realllly early so you feel a lot pressure to perform, even though you know that labor is usually a slow process. The earlier the better so you can get tagged with ‘failure to progress’ and get started with a series of medical interventions that’ll often end in a c-section.
6. Don’t eat or drink during a long labor. Just wear yourself out completely and then complain loudly of fatigue. This will up your chances of medical personnel suggesting the solution.
5. Get an amniotomy too soon. Once they burst your bubble you’re now on the clock for a cesarean. If you manage to move along at a snail’s pace you’re sure to end up under the knife!
4. Accept pitocin to induce or stimulate contractions. Since fetal distress is associated with the drug, you’ll have to have continuous electronic fetal heart monitoring which will immobilize you. Good call! The less you move around the better – that’s sure to slow the train. Plus, the drug-induced contractions are so strong you’ll be screaming for an epidural in no time.
3. Request an epidural. Now you’re totally immobilized, yay! Labor’s progress will likely slow down even further and pushing effectively will likely be much harder since you can’t get into any vertical or squatting positions that would work in your favor.
2. Accept hospital staff’s comments on lack of progress without challenge. Once they start complaining that you’re poking along and taking up space, get discouraged and give up. Turn all decisions over to them and you’ll be wheeled away in no time.
1. Just ask! Oh yeah … these days you don’t actually need to go through the hassle of labor at all. Just call up your OB and tell him/her you’d like to schedule your baby – the whole pushing a baby out thing is so inconvenient and last millenium. Your OB will probably be relieved anyways because you’ll be one less lady who might interrupt a good night’s sleep.
*A note on this list: Clearly there are real medical emergencies that can happen, and in those cases c-sections can be true life savers. However, the sad fact is that most cesareans are not done for legitimate medical reasons and in the last decade the number of c-sections has doubled to over 30% of US births. It’s not surprising that so many doctors are in favor of elective cesareans – after all, it’s certainly more convenient and they get to charge lots more $$$. As for us moms who get to make this choice – my feeling is that many women are just not well informed about the risks … because make no mistake: a c-section is a major abdominal surgery and poses significantly more risks to both mom and baby.
And since I like to end on an upbeat note, I wanted to share the cartoon above because it accurately reflects my feelings at this stage. :)
Linda: I find your lack of sensitivity appalling. I agreed to AROM, pit, epi after 14 hours of excruciating NATURAL back labor – my choice. Stuck at 8 cm in transition for hours, with labor slowing down. Yes my CNM was a stupid bitch who never should have broken the waters of a posterior babe. Yes, I did end up “under the knife” – after another 14 hours of worthless interventions including 4 hours of torture with a failed epi where I screamed and screamed until they cut me open and there was nothing amusing about it. I have PTSD. You are heartless making fun of my stupidity. Ironically, I had my daughter cut out of me exactly a month after this list was written. Too bad I never saw it. I could have saved myself the flashbacks, nightmares, nightsweats, depression, anxiety, self-hatred, suicidial thoughts, self-injuring and all the other crap I’ve experienced in the past 14 months because I was traumatized. Really funny, huh? I’m “wised up” alright, Tanya. Getting sliced open after being torturted will do that. Pretty smart bitch these days.9 weeks ago
val: Great post!
And I had the same cartoon in a forum siggy during my pregnancy LOL31 weeks ago
Estradiol: grace site yaor two.43 weeks ago
Jenn: I continued this post, adding a 10th reason. Please come read my version of the list! http://knittedinthewomb.com/wp/?p=1491 year ago
Knitted in the Womb » Top 10 Ways to Have An Unnecessary Cesarean: [...] rounds, with a new “way” being added by each blogger. I first saw the list in “Faint Star Light” with 7 reasons. Then “Nursing Birth” joined the party, and finally [...]1 year ago
Beth: I tried # 1 when I was 7 months pregnant. And I asked every time I went to an appointment. My dr. argued with me every time and said that I would heal quicker with a vaginal birth. But I was worried that my baby was too big for me. Well we did it her way which I didn’t want and I had a severe tear. 6 months later and appointments with the colorectal dr. and I still have issues. And now my dr. says I would have done better with a c-section. I wish that I had found a new dr.1 year ago
Top 9 ways to have an unnecessary cesarean « Enjoy Birth Blog: [...] She has a great post of the Top 8 ways to have an unnecessary cesarean. She added one to a different list of Top 7 ways to have an unnecessary cesarean. [...]1 year ago
Sheridan: Oh, these are all so true! Great list!1 year ago
Stephanie: This is a very useful post…and so clever too! I love how you wrote it “backwards.”1 year ago
Thanks! :)1 year ago
N Dywer: I like this too!
http://icanwesternmd.blogspot.com/1 year ago
Top 8 Ways to Have an Unnecessary Cesarean Section « Nursing Birth: [...] Top 8 Ways to Have an Unnecessary Cesarean Section April 3, 2009 Filed under: Ramblings, Top Ten Lists — nursingbirth @ 10:52 AM Tags: amniotomy, birth, Birthing From Within, Born in the USA, c-section, C/S, childbirth, continuous monitoring, delivery, epidural, failure to progress, Henci Goer, home birth, hospital birth, ICAN, induction, International Cesarean Awareness Network, L&D, labor, labour, Marsden Wagner, midwife, midwifery, natural birth, OBGYN, obstetrician, oxytocin, pain medication in labor, Pam England, pitocin, The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth, Top 10, top ten, unnecessary cesarean section, VBAC (Adapted from Top 7 Ways to Have an Unnecessary C-Section) [...]1 year ago
Xjaeva: Pitocin hurts!
It. HURTS.
And not just during contractions of labor, during the contractions of the utarus AFTER labor.
The drugs were good though :)1 year ago
cindy: OMG this is awesome!1 year ago
Tanya K: Great list! It’s not about having pit or epidural, or c-section for that matter, as a last ditch option. It’s about the gross misuse and lack of info given to women about risks of all those things. 30+% is a CRAZY high c-section rate, and women need to wise up. See http://www.ican-online.org for the International Cesarean Awareness Network’s informative website.
Tanya
ICAN of Central IA Chapter Founder
Owner of http://www.SimplyforGiggles.com
and mom to Aviva and Raphael1 year ago
Kristy: The only problem with that is niether one of my girls wanted to get down to buisness and they need that extra little push of pitocin to make up their minds to get the party started! And then with Alea I think I would have gone CRAZY if I wouldn’t have had that epidural! I worked in labor and delivery for 5 years I KNOW how long that needle is! LOL!1 year ago
Steph: Hah! Totally. On the other hand…the best way to *avoid* one, in my experience, is to show up at the hospital 12 minutes before you push the baby out. They won’t even have time to check your urine or get an IV in, much less c-sect. ha! Good luck. I hope everything goes super smoothly for you. Can’t wait to hear your birth story. (Oh, and I hit the “eat icecream til I get sick” phase 2 days before.)1 year ago