Comments on: Reflections: Father’s Day & beyond http://www.faintstarlite.com/2009/06/reflections-fathers-day-beyond/ Milwaukee mom working to stay sane. Sun, 15 Jan 2012 13:33:28 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Heather - Dollar Store Crafts http://www.faintstarlite.com/2009/06/reflections-fathers-day-beyond/comment-page-1/#comment-3390 Heather - Dollar Store Crafts Thu, 25 Jun 2009 20:53:32 +0000 http://www.faintstarlite.com/?p=634#comment-3390 It's been awhile since I've read one of your essays (since xanga days), but it is always a pleasure to read your writing. You're so insightful. -Heather It’s been awhile since I’ve read one of your essays (since xanga days), but it is always a pleasure to read your writing. You’re so insightful.

-Heather

]]> By: Jeff http://www.faintstarlite.com/2009/06/reflections-fathers-day-beyond/comment-page-1/#comment-3389 Jeff Thu, 25 Jun 2009 20:36:20 +0000 http://www.faintstarlite.com/?p=634#comment-3389 This entry was incredibly moving. I'm trying hard not to cry. Thanks for being willing to share as openly as you do. I hope you know how much you mean to those around you, and am thankful that in Nick you have found some of what should never have been lost. Your strength, vulnerability, and ability to overcome adversity continue to inspire me. This entry was incredibly moving. I’m trying hard not to cry. Thanks for being willing to share as openly as you do. I hope you know how much you mean to those around you, and am thankful that in Nick you have found some of what should never have been lost. Your strength, vulnerability, and ability to overcome adversity continue to inspire me.

]]> By: Aunt Betsey http://www.faintstarlite.com/2009/06/reflections-fathers-day-beyond/comment-page-1/#comment-3388 Aunt Betsey Thu, 25 Jun 2009 00:39:22 +0000 http://www.faintstarlite.com/?p=634#comment-3388 What a wonderful piece, Esther. So moving. And the comments are moving, too. How wise you were to accept what was happening so you could have whatever he could give before he died. And, even more important now, how wonderful that you chose someone who is like the father you wanted. So often we choose -- unconsciously -- someone like the father we had, so we can keep trying to "solve" the problem. What a wonderful piece, Esther. So moving. And the comments are moving, too. How wise you were to accept what was happening so you could have whatever he could give before he died. And, even more important now, how wonderful that you chose someone who is like the father you wanted. So often we choose — unconsciously — someone like the father we had, so we can keep trying to “solve” the problem.

]]> By: Kristen http://www.faintstarlite.com/2009/06/reflections-fathers-day-beyond/comment-page-1/#comment-3387 Kristen Wed, 24 Jun 2009 23:14:12 +0000 http://www.faintstarlite.com/?p=634#comment-3387 This post brought tears to my eyes. While I cannot identify with your childhood scenarios, I certainly have my own personal experiences with my father that I reflect on from time to time. This post was beautiful - I admire you for laying all this out on the table. This post brought tears to my eyes. While I cannot identify with your childhood scenarios, I certainly have my own personal experiences with my father that I reflect on from time to time. This post was beautiful – I admire you for laying all this out on the table.

]]> By: Al Notter http://www.faintstarlite.com/2009/06/reflections-fathers-day-beyond/comment-page-1/#comment-3382 Al Notter Wed, 24 Jun 2009 01:43:51 +0000 http://www.faintstarlite.com/?p=634#comment-3382 Esther, You did not have a normal relationship with your Dad, mine was gone through death. I don't know which is harder. My parents gave birth to me later in life, and were old enough to be grandparents already. Yet, they did what they could. Parents are important, and we realize it even more when we have kids of our own. al Esther, You did not have a normal relationship with your Dad, mine was gone through death. I don’t know which is harder. My parents gave birth to me later in life, and were old enough to be grandparents already. Yet, they did what they could. Parents are important, and we realize it even more when we have kids of our own. al

]]> By: Hayley http://www.faintstarlite.com/2009/06/reflections-fathers-day-beyond/comment-page-1/#comment-3381 Hayley Wed, 24 Jun 2009 01:09:59 +0000 http://www.faintstarlite.com/?p=634#comment-3381 Hi Esther, Thanks so much for opening up, it must have been really hard for you to do. I have a really bad relationship with my Dad, I have tried so hard to make it better but he just doesn't seem to want me. Which I guess I just have to accept - I didn't meet him until I was 14 (he is American but lives in Malaysia, I am English and live in the UK) and I always used to think of him as the 'perfect Dad' and had so many expectations which I guess was the wrong thing to do because he didn't live up to any of them. I was diagnosed with cancer last year and I think he phoned me once, he never came to see me either. I really thought that maybe that happening would make him appreciate me more but I guess not - so that's when I realised that nothing was going to make it better. Anyway, wow - I didn't really mean to open up that much, lol. There wasn't really a point to what I said either lol. I am sorry to hear about your Dad, I'm really glad that you know he loved you and you love him too. Sending you lots of hugs! Hayley Hi Esther,

Thanks so much for opening up, it must have been really hard for you to do.

I have a really bad relationship with my Dad, I have tried so hard to make it better but he just doesn’t seem to want me. Which I guess I just have to accept – I didn’t meet him until I was 14 (he is American but lives in Malaysia, I am English and live in the UK) and I always used to think of him as the ‘perfect Dad’ and had so many expectations which I guess was the wrong thing to do because he didn’t live up to any of them.

I was diagnosed with cancer last year and I think he phoned me once, he never came to see me either. I really thought that maybe that happening would make him appreciate me more but I guess not – so that’s when I realised that nothing was going to make it better.

Anyway, wow – I didn’t really mean to open up that much, lol. There wasn’t really a point to what I said either lol.

I am sorry to hear about your Dad, I’m really glad that you know he loved you and you love him too.

Sending you lots of hugs!

Hayley

]]> By: Esther http://www.faintstarlite.com/2009/06/reflections-fathers-day-beyond/comment-page-1/#comment-3380 Esther Wed, 24 Jun 2009 00:35:10 +0000 http://www.faintstarlite.com/?p=634#comment-3380 Hey Nadine: I think having challenging relationships with parents is really common - often times they just don't meet our expectations, and I think sometimes it's because they just don't know how to change. With my dad, forgiving him was as much about preserving our relationship as it was about me feeling at peace... and I'm so glad that we were able to have <em>something</em>, even if it was imperfect. A lot of the qualities I cherish most came from him - his quest to never stop learning, his compassion for those without a voice, and his love of politics. Several years before he died I made a conscious effort to lower my expectations and just enjoy the time we had. Sure, I wish he had been able to say "I'm sorry" but honestly, I just really wish he were still around - that we had been able to have more time to get to know each other... it felt like things were finally starting to smooth out, and then he was gone. Hey Nadine: I think having challenging relationships with parents is really common – often times they just don’t meet our expectations, and I think sometimes it’s because they just don’t know how to change. With my dad, forgiving him was as much about preserving our relationship as it was about me feeling at peace… and I’m so glad that we were able to have something, even if it was imperfect. A lot of the qualities I cherish most came from him – his quest to never stop learning, his compassion for those without a voice, and his love of politics. Several years before he died I made a conscious effort to lower my expectations and just enjoy the time we had. Sure, I wish he had been able to say “I’m sorry” but honestly, I just really wish he were still around – that we had been able to have more time to get to know each other… it felt like things were finally starting to smooth out, and then he was gone.

]]> By: Nadine http://www.faintstarlite.com/2009/06/reflections-fathers-day-beyond/comment-page-1/#comment-3379 Nadine Tue, 23 Jun 2009 23:08:29 +0000 http://www.faintstarlite.com/?p=634#comment-3379 I really admire your strength. I have a difficult relationship with my dad too. I admire that you could forgive him. If I were in your situation, I couldn't have put on this pokerface. It must've hurt so much. I gave up on the relationship between me and my dad. Now, what you wrote makes me think, and doubtful about my decision. Maybe it would be worth to try again. But, isn't a father supposed to love his kids? All of his kids? Ugh....I don't know. I really admire your strength. I have a difficult relationship with my dad too.
I admire that you could forgive him. If I were in your situation, I couldn’t have put on this pokerface. It must’ve hurt so much.
I gave up on the relationship between me and my dad. Now, what you wrote makes me think, and doubtful about my decision. Maybe it would be worth to try again.
But, isn’t a father supposed to love his kids? All of his kids?
Ugh….I don’t know.

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