Now that a few days have passed I feel more comfortable saying a few words about the overblown Nikon episode. My perspective is that it was tantamount to receiving poor customer service at Target, but let me tell you – I’ll think twice before using the hashtag #bitchyTargetcashiers again because it might just end in me having to speak to their PR agency about damage control. In fact, only a few weeks ago I called AirTran cold-hearted for being inflexible after canceling a flight that caused us an overnight delay in Atlanta. Now that really pissed me off. A few people commented but no one really cared. So what was the difference?
It happened at BlogHer.
First off, there has been so much misinformation spread on Twitter & blogs that it reminds me of playing telephone in elementary school. Here are the facts: there were two moms turned away – I was one of them. One mom took a cab and was politely refused entry at the door, while I was turned away when ready to board to head over to the venue.
On my RSVP it said it was a cocktail party at a restaurant, and based on my previous knowledge of how baby-friendly BlogHer is I mistakenly assumed that this party would be too. I should have double-checked but I didn’t. My bad.
After being told babies weren’t allowed I turned and headed back in to the hotel to get in line for another party. I wasn’t angry or bitter, but I did find it pretty ironic and funny that the party chose a venue that couldn’t accommodate nursing moms… not because I think every event ought to do so but because of the demographic of the conference. Looking back I think they had every right to make that call – I just wish it had been more clearly communicated.
Before going back inside I ran into a few other bloggers I love & had a good laugh about my status as a reject. It was then that the phrase “Nikon hates babies” was spoken – it was obviously a joke and thinking it was pretty hilarious I used it as a hashtag when I tweeted about being turned away. It seemed over-the-top enough that people would know it was tongue-in-cheek… but the fact that I have since been asked, “Do you really think Nikon hates babies?” is proof positive that hashtag humor does not always translate well. I’m considering adding a disclaimer to my Twitter page, “Am not a literalist”. [Hmm... perhaps I should've used #nikoneatsbabies... but no, think of how confusing that could've been for people...]
The point is there was no huge scandal, and certainly no heads need to roll for what was a rather minor hiccup. That must boggle your mind after all the hype you’ve seen!
Say what? There was no evil corporation? There wasn’t even a hysterical mother standing around crying over lost swag attempting to take down a company via Twitter?
They made a mistake. I made a mistake. Big deal.
Since all this blew up I’ve reconsidered a lot of things. Steph & I spent a chunk of Sunday morning talking through whether either of us should’ve brought our babies. I wouldn’t have gone to BlogHer without baby Jude, and truthfully I’m still glad he was there.
I know I should’ve been able to just brush it all off, but seeing people write nasty things about my parenting choices is still a tough pill to swallow after entering the mommyhood only 11 weeks ago.
Am I overly sensitive right now? Probably. It’s just that I’m new to all of this and like I shared with Kristen, I’m trying *so damn hard* to get it right… it’s like, c’mon folks – give me at least a few more months of screw ups before throwing me under the bus.
One other thing I’d like to mention before I shut up about this – while I appreciate all the sponsors that make events like BlogHer possible, none of them (not even the ones that sponsored me, thank you KmartDesign!) should ever be able to buy our total loyalty. If someone makes a gaffe it needs to be okay to say, “Ya know, this organizer made a mistake”, and not be bum rushed by an angry mob fearing the PR police.
PostScript 1: One other piece of irony in all this is that my husband is a Nikon photographer with far too many thousands of dollars of equipment.
PostScript 2: A lot of great posts have come out of BlogHer that highlight some of the growing pains the mommyblogging community is facing as marketers & PR agencies flood the space. Here are a few that are relevant to this post in particular: MWW/Nikon’s response, Mom101, Motherhood Uncensored, MamaPundit, AdventuresInBabywearing and TheHappiestMom.
Jenny, Bloggess: I love you so much and I’m so glad you wrote this. You handled this with incredible class and I’m so proud to be your friend. Also, I totally brought my baby to a bar. More than once. Some of my best friends were raised in bars. Whatever decision you make as a parent is the right one.50 weeks ago
Candace: A great post–and look at the bright side. Look at how many other bloggers who are moms you got to “meet” as a result of this.
One of the things I’ve been pointing out is that this really was not a huge mob with pitchforks. Few people tweeted with the hashtag in seriousness.
I agree with you that it makes sense to allow mothers of very young infants to bring their babies with them to events, especially if the main conference is baby-friendly and an important part of the demographic writes about motherhood.
I agree with you that they should have been clearer in their communication.
I agree with you that you should have checked to be sure.
And I agree that it was just a small mistake on both sides (although you presumably don’t have an entire PR team watching to make sure your efforts are well-planned). No need for heads to roll or be served up on platters.
Thank you for a very mature and responsible post!51 weeks ago
TheFeministBreeder: Hola, I went on vacation instead of going to BlogHer, and I know nothing about this except what I read on Noble Savage and MU, but I want to say this: you are an EXCELLENT mother for taking your 11 wk old nursling to a conference. Seriously, many mothers would have shoved a can of formula in dad’s lap and said “see ya!” I’ve also gone to extraordinary lengths to maintain my nursing relationship, and we just have to do what we have to do, and you shouldn’t have to miss out on a WOMAN’S event because you are nursing. Honestly people. Do we need to make it any harder to be a nursing mom? For F*cks sake!
Now, I did read that you’d brought a stoller situation, and all I can say is that once I figured out babywearing (with my second baby) I never, almost ever use a stroller anymore. They’re so cumbersome. Throw on a Mei Tai wrap and you’ll wonder why you ever bought a stroller to begin with. Mighta avoided this whole situation. Some people might not have even noticed you had a baby if you’d been wearing little Jude (love the name btw, my 2nd ones name is Jules – so close.)
Anyway. What a cluster. But it sounds like you’re doing a heckuva job with this mommying stuff for only 11 wks postpartum. Good for you.51 weeks ago
Heather of the EO: I joined in the hashtag fun, totally tongue in cheek. Then later someone told me it was being taken really seriously and it was inappropriate. I said “whoops.” I guess I was just annoyed in the moment. Because I had met beautiful you and beautiful Jude and I hated that you were turned away anywhere on the whole planet. Because I think you rock.
Eh, live and learn right? We had fun. So glad I got to hang with you a little. I really really like you.52 weeks ago
Kristine - Mommy Needs Therapy: I’m so glad you wrote about what really happened! As I was hiding in my hotel room at BlogHer that night I saw the tweets going around and I laughed at the hashtag. So over the top I thought maybe Nikon was actually using it as some new advertising strategy. Then I saw all the people taking it very seriously! And the next day I heard bits and pieces from both sides and still felt like I had no idea what really happened, but sensed there was a lot of “reaction” going on by people who didn’t know the truth.
I said on Steph’s blog that I feel so bad that she is now questioning if she should have taken her baby. What a shame that as women and mothers we feel so entitled to criticize each other.
I wouldn’t have gone anywhere without my baby when he was 11 weeks old either! The only difference is I don’t think I would have had the confidence or courage to take him with me to BlogHer, so you go girl!
I also said on Steph’s blog that I wouldn’t have taken a baby to a loud, crowded party (or something like that), but also I don’t go MYSELF to those things (See above about hiding in my room that night!). Which was my way of saying that just because that’s how I act, doesn’t mean its how anyone else should.
I think there is nothing wrong with discussing the issue of sponsors and swag and as you put it the growing pains. Discussion is good! Criticizing and being mean to each other is just not OK.
I’d be a puddle on the floor right now if someone was criticizing my parenting at 11 weeks post birth.
And OMG, how freaking cute is your baby!!!52 weeks ago
Kristen: Great post…so proud of you for putting this out there.
I have 4 kids, so I’ve been doing this motherhood thing for 7 years now & I still didn’t think twice about taking the baby to the Nikon party. Being a 1st time BlogHer attendee, and hearing about how baby friendly BlogHer is, I honestly didn’t think twice about it.
Do I feel like just because I’m a mom, I’m entitled to different treatment? NO. Would I bring my two month old to the bar district at night under other circumstances? Absolutely not. BlogHer, however, is not normal circumstances. I learned a lot from this experience, thanks to the people who won’t flippin’ let it die. I find it funny that the people who seem to be the most passionate about it are the people who weren’t even involved at all. I think you and I blew it off as disappointing, but part of having a life with a newborn!
I hope that you don’t feel like every little thing you do as a parent is judged. Typical parents aren’t this judgmental and are instead supportive and kind and are great at answering questions and helping out without judgment. Every mom has been in similar shoes one time or another… I hope they remember that the next time they think about judging our decisions!
Great post!52 weeks ago