Comments on: Babies, BlogHer & Bars

By: Jenny, Bloggess

Jenny, Bloggess — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 16:08:54 +0000

I love you so much and I’m so glad you wrote this. You handled this with incredible class and I’m so proud to be your friend. Also, I totally brought my baby to a bar. More than once. Some of my best friends were raised in bars. Whatever decision you make as a parent is the right one.

By: Candace

Candace — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 14:45:30 +0000

A great post–and look at the bright side. Look at how many other bloggers who are moms you got to “meet” as a result of this.

One of the things I’ve been pointing out is that this really was not a huge mob with pitchforks. Few people tweeted with the hashtag in seriousness.

I agree with you that it makes sense to allow mothers of very young infants to bring their babies with them to events, especially if the main conference is baby-friendly and an important part of the demographic writes about motherhood.

I agree with you that they should have been clearer in their communication.

I agree with you that you should have checked to be sure.

And I agree that it was just a small mistake on both sides (although you presumably don’t have an entire PR team watching to make sure your efforts are well-planned). No need for heads to roll or be served up on platters.

Thank you for a very mature and responsible post!

By: TheFeministBreeder

TheFeministBreeder — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 06:04:31 +0000

Hola, I went on vacation instead of going to BlogHer, and I know nothing about this except what I read on Noble Savage and MU, but I want to say this: you are an EXCELLENT mother for taking your 11 wk old nursling to a conference. Seriously, many mothers would have shoved a can of formula in dad’s lap and said “see ya!” I’ve also gone to extraordinary lengths to maintain my nursing relationship, and we just have to do what we have to do, and you shouldn’t have to miss out on a WOMAN’S event because you are nursing. Honestly people. Do we need to make it any harder to be a nursing mom? For F*cks sake!

Now, I did read that you’d brought a stoller situation, and all I can say is that once I figured out babywearing (with my second baby) I never, almost ever use a stroller anymore. They’re so cumbersome. Throw on a Mei Tai wrap and you’ll wonder why you ever bought a stroller to begin with. Mighta avoided this whole situation. Some people might not have even noticed you had a baby if you’d been wearing little Jude (love the name btw, my 2nd ones name is Jules – so close.)

Anyway. What a cluster. But it sounds like you’re doing a heckuva job with this mommying stuff for only 11 wks postpartum. Good for you.

By: Heather of the EO

Heather of the EO — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 02:41:38 +0000

I joined in the hashtag fun, totally tongue in cheek. Then later someone told me it was being taken really seriously and it was inappropriate. I said “whoops.” I guess I was just annoyed in the moment. Because I had met beautiful you and beautiful Jude and I hated that you were turned away anywhere on the whole planet. Because I think you rock.

Eh, live and learn right? We had fun. So glad I got to hang with you a little. I really really like you.

By: Kristine - Mommy Needs Therapy

Kristine - Mommy Needs Therapy — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 19:40:26 +0000

I’m so glad you wrote about what really happened! As I was hiding in my hotel room at BlogHer that night I saw the tweets going around and I laughed at the hashtag. So over the top I thought maybe Nikon was actually using it as some new advertising strategy. Then I saw all the people taking it very seriously! And the next day I heard bits and pieces from both sides and still felt like I had no idea what really happened, but sensed there was a lot of “reaction” going on by people who didn’t know the truth.

I said on Steph’s blog that I feel so bad that she is now questioning if she should have taken her baby. What a shame that as women and mothers we feel so entitled to criticize each other.

I wouldn’t have gone anywhere without my baby when he was 11 weeks old either! The only difference is I don’t think I would have had the confidence or courage to take him with me to BlogHer, so you go girl!

I also said on Steph’s blog that I wouldn’t have taken a baby to a loud, crowded party (or something like that), but also I don’t go MYSELF to those things (See above about hiding in my room that night!). Which was my way of saying that just because that’s how I act, doesn’t mean its how anyone else should.

I think there is nothing wrong with discussing the issue of sponsors and swag and as you put it the growing pains. Discussion is good! Criticizing and being mean to each other is just not OK.

I’d be a puddle on the floor right now if someone was criticizing my parenting at 11 weeks post birth.

And OMG, how freaking cute is your baby!!!

By: Kristen

Kristen — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 19:09:16 +0000

Great post…so proud of you for putting this out there.
I have 4 kids, so I’ve been doing this motherhood thing for 7 years now & I still didn’t think twice about taking the baby to the Nikon party. Being a 1st time BlogHer attendee, and hearing about how baby friendly BlogHer is, I honestly didn’t think twice about it.
Do I feel like just because I’m a mom, I’m entitled to different treatment? NO. Would I bring my two month old to the bar district at night under other circumstances? Absolutely not. BlogHer, however, is not normal circumstances. I learned a lot from this experience, thanks to the people who won’t flippin’ let it die. I find it funny that the people who seem to be the most passionate about it are the people who weren’t even involved at all. I think you and I blew it off as disappointing, but part of having a life with a newborn!
I hope that you don’t feel like every little thing you do as a parent is judged. Typical parents aren’t this judgmental and are instead supportive and kind and are great at answering questions and helping out without judgment. Every mom has been in similar shoes one time or another… I hope they remember that the next time they think about judging our decisions!
Great post!

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 17:38:39 +0000

Those pictures of your little guy are irresistible. He really is exceptionally sweet…and it looks like he’s comfortable behind (and in front of) the camera already. :)

Thanks for your reasonable, professional, and “grace-full” response to this snafu.

By: Mary :: A Merry Life

Mary :: A Merry Life — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 16:50:55 +0000

Great post. I totally knew you were joking when you tweeted the hashtag. It was quite clear, or so I thought. From all the post blogher chatter I thought the Nikon party was a bigger thing and many moms had been turned away. I’m glad you cleared that misconception up. Also, I think it was fine for the party to not allow moms with babies. I love them, but babies don’t belong everywhere. That being said, I don’t think you are a bad mom for trying to take Jude with you. Neither side was clear on whether babies were allowed. It happens. You are still a great mom and Nikon is still a cool company.

By: Midwest Mommy

Midwest Mommy — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 16:02:39 +0000

I saw the hashtag go around a couple times but I totally understood it as a joke or so I had hoped. Oh well, welcome to the mommy world where others make you feel like crap when you are only trying to do your best. Hugs.

By: Carrie

Carrie — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:50:12 +0000

Esther,
I’m glad you brought Jude, glad I got to admire him (I didn’t realize I’d met you until you said the baby’s name), and I’m very glad I brought my newborn too. I know you didn’t bring him to make a political statement — I didn’t bring mine for that reason either — but for us moms to just sit home is no way to help the public accept that breastfeeding is the norm these days and that babies are going to be seen where nursing women are seen.

A baby-friendly venue like BlogHer is a great start to show people that the presence of babies need not be disruptive. I’d love to see nurselings — and nursing rooms, and CHANGING TABLES (#Sheratonhatesbabies?) at every kind of conference. There’s a reason most women give up nursing in this country within before 6 months, and it’s not because we moms don’t feel like it. It’s because we can’t just sit home for six months or a year like some people expect us to.

And Esther, from a mom with my 3rd infant to a mom with her first, you are doing a great job. You ARE figuring it out. Keep it up!