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Step by step

January 15, 2010, Esther

A few days ago we had to do a Babies R Us run – we needed to add a few bottles to our collection because at eight months old, Jude is eating more and breastfeeding less.

If you’ve ever been to BRU you know they have special parking for pregnant moms, and without thinking, I found myself pulling in to the space…

And then it struck me: Expectant Mothers.

Staring at the cutesy stork I sucked in a big breath. My heart was racing.

Of course no one in the parking lot noticed or cared, but I felt a strong urge – an internal need – to justify my right to park there.

… it’s like I wanted to shout out to the world “My heart is pregnant, even if my belly is not!”

I can’t help but wonder if others consider me an expectant mother. Because I do.

Despite the lack of crazy hormones biological changes, I sense the shift in my spirit – the drawing closer, the anticipation, the worry.

There’s more of an urgency this time around… I simply can’t shake the sense that I am needed now, that my family is separated.

Because we are.

I am forced once again to simply trust – in the process, and in the Divine.

So… to my waiting sweetie pies, mommy is whispering to you: I am eagerly awaiting our union. I am expecting you.

Esther
Internet nerd. Entrepreneur. Travel enthusiast. Mama of 2 kids - one grew in my belly, one grew in my heart. Read the about section for more details and if you also live in SE Wisconsin be sure to check out my other site MilwaukeeMamas.com.

8 Responses to “Step by step”

  1. 8
    Aunt Betsey Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 6:04 am

    How beautifully felt and said! Your thought that your family is separated brought tears to my eyes. Lots of love to you.

  2. 7
    Step by step « FaintStarLite – Braving motherhood and the cold in …- Blog 4WDrive.net Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 12:19 am

    [...] more here: Step by step « FaintStarLite – Braving motherhood and the cold in … Tags: babies, because-at-eight, bru, collection, eating-more, eight-months, ever-been, [...]

  3. 6
    Stephanie Hanes Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    Beautifully written, Esther! What a blessing for your family and the little one you are “expecting”. I think you deserve to park there, because you are doing an amazing thing.

  4. 5
    lisa Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 11:24 am

    yes, you do have every right to park there! and how exciting! perhaps you should even have a little party/”baby shower!”
    beautiful writing, it touches my heart.

  5. 4
    alisha Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 10:46 am

    Little Esther, beautiful woman, amazing Mama, Beautifully said…We love you!

  6. 3
    Maggie, dammit Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 5:26 am

    Beautiful and true.

  7. 2
    Ally B Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    I love this post. I am so happy for your family. I
    can’t wait to see you at Blissdom and to hear all about this journey you’re on!

  8. 1
    Michelle@Eatingjourney Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 11:12 pm

    you and nick are beautiful people.

    may you be blessed with a peace about this process and a journey which brings richness to your life.

    you have every right to park there.

    ~M