Time seemed to stand still on Thursday afternoon when we found out our seemingly solid foster adoption plans suddenly evaporated.
I didn’t even get a call from a social worker – it was Peach’s foster mom who broke the news that the Guardian ad Litem and the District Attorney decided they lacked sufficient evidence to move forward with the grounds for termination case that was supposed to happen in two weeks.
Not only did they cancel the court date, but they decided her birth mom should have another 6 – 9 months of time to prove if she can regain custody.
It was a MAJOR blow.
And it completely blindsided us.
We had been told there was a small chance the court would side with the birth mom, but we were never told the lawyers could just dismiss the TPR case entirely.
My head nearly exploded.
WHAT ABOUT THE BEST INTERESTS OF PEACH?!
WHAT ABOUT ALL SHE’S ENDURED?!
HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS TUG OF WAR CAN SHE TAKE?!
We specifically chose to pursue adopting an older child because we didn’t want to get caught in an endless cycle of court battles against a birth mom, and yet, here we are. It’s just the beginning and I can already see that we’re in for a long haul that takes us at least into 2012. Since we don’t have any legal rights to Peach, we’re left with two choices – go away or try to become her foster family for the interim period while they attempt yet another reunification.
After talking to my sister Nancy – an attorney who represents birth parents and foster kids in Oregon – I realized we really truly don’t have any other options. The system is stacked entirely against us. When I asked what she’d do in our situation she said she would, “Go buy a punching bag.”
I pulled myself together and picked Peach up from school. When she got in the car she turned and asked me:
“Are you going to be my new family?”
Oh God.
I couldn’t even breathe, let alone answer her question.
I wanted to start sobbing again and explain how desperately we love and want her… but… I had to bite my tongue.
We stayed up late that night writing an email to the social workers involved in an attempt to express our frustration with the outcome and ongoing commitment to Peach. Even though we didn’t intend on simply being her foster parents we refuse to be another family that makes empty promises and then disappears. So, we’ll take what we can get.
We’re in deep.
I’m not ready to give up if there’s even a small chance that she can still join our family.
If nothing else, this has solidified our resolve and love for Peach.
We’re desperately hoping that the legal team agrees to the change of placement so that we can be her foster family – if that doesn’t happen I’ll need to learn how to live with puffy eyes.
We’re also planning to meet her birth mom for the first time in an effort to start building a relationship with her since we know that’s in the best interest of everyone at this point.
This is not what we wanted but we’re just trying to hold on to each other and believe that we’ll still get a happy ending.
–
I spoke with the assistant District Attorney and she stated they’re all in favor of Peach becoming our foster daughter. They still need to hear from her birth mom’s lawyer, but it looks very positive at this point.
The move-in date may even be able to stay the same.
They want to meet with us in person to make sure we know there aren’t any guarantees but that if this final reunification effort fails, that we’ll be next in line to adopt. And if it succeeds, we’ll be there to provide as much love and support from the sidelines as we can.
16 Responses to “Creating A New Foster Adoption Plan”
Leave a Reply
Twitter: EstherCrawford
- Amazing view to wake up to in Moab. #50kings [pic] — http://t.co/JWwhvRAu
- You know you're a transracial family when... [pic] — http://t.co/iOi9pfT7
- Happy birthday, Dad. Wish you were still here. Love & miss you lots. #cancersucks
Some places I’ve been featured:
Weight Watchers PointsPlus Success Story
Top 50 Twitter Mom
October 3rd, 2011 at 4:41 pm
That is really interesting, You’re an overly skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to in quest of extra of your wonderful post. Also, I’ve shared your site in my social networks
December 10th, 2010 at 10:42 am
[...] all these questions for which I have no answers. After hearing about the cancellation we decided to completely shift gears and try to simply be her foster parents, knowing that was the best way to stay in the picture and in her [...]
December 1st, 2010 at 8:23 pm
Does Peach have a CASA?
November 30th, 2010 at 10:26 pm
Oh girl — soooo much for you all to endure!!!! Sending prayers and hugs!
November 24th, 2010 at 3:05 pm
You amaze me with your grace and general superb sense of awesome. So glad to know you, Esther. You’re a fighter in the best sense.
November 23rd, 2010 at 11:33 am
YOu got the world on your side! hang in there! YOu’re family is in our thoughts and prayers!! I hope Peach becomes a permanent part of your family!!!
November 22nd, 2010 at 6:53 pm
esther…praying for you all. these crazy hard things that God gives are more opportunity for His glory. keep it up.
November 20th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
It is so frustrating that the system works like this, and keeps kids waiting so long for permenancy. Praying.
November 20th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Everything you are all saying is exactly why I created my business. Hugs to all.
November 20th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
This situation has been entirely trying on everyone involved. You are an amazingly positive and strong mama! I can’t imagine what you’re going through, and you are such an inspiration to me and many others. I understand how important it is to try and reunite birth parents and children, but how long can you leave a child in limbo? I have to say that I’m disappointed in the system here; it seems like mom is getting more chances than she should be to get it together. It’s not fair to Peach…and not fair to your family either. I’m so sorry, Esther. I’m praying that whatever the outcome, it happens swiftly and that you’re given peace and contentment throughout.
November 20th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
You said, “If nothing else, this has solidified our resolve and love for Peach.” That is a big thing. Huge. Now you know. You know for sure.
You have a whole community of people from around the globe that are praying for you – even those who don’t comment ;-)
I know it’s difficult to have faith in such uncertain circumstances, but I believe in love, happy endings and the power of prayer… and I believe in You.
Seek solace in knowing that you are doing everything in your power and that you and your family are a gift to Peach’s life no matter what the outcome.
Bless you all, Grace xxoo
November 20th, 2010 at 11:11 am
I am so sorry, and I am just going to keep praying and praying for a positive outcome for you all.
November 20th, 2010 at 10:55 am
I am so sorry that things are not going the way you had hoped, that you had yearned for. I have faith that things will work out for your family, for what is best for Peach.
I will be praying for you all, and for Peach.
November 20th, 2010 at 10:43 am
the title “faintstarlight” seems especially appropriate right now.
Holding on to that hope!
Ann
November 20th, 2010 at 8:20 am
What an emotional tornado this situation is, Esther! I hope you, Nick, Peach and Jude can focus on living happily every moment you’re together. No matter what we think, the future is always uncertain.
Stay strong.
Tom
November 20th, 2010 at 7:42 am
I was hoping so much for you that things would go smoothly. As a foster mother who has experienced those dreadful bottom dropping out moments, I know how rare that is. Your positive attitude about this cementing your love for her will be your solid foundation. Sometimes in life we just know we’re doing exactly what we’re meant to do. Sounds like that’s how you’re feeling, and that is powerful! One day at a time…