Last week was our big court date. The one we’d been pinning our move date to San Francisco on. The one where Peach’s birth mom (S) was supposed to do the voluntary termination of her parental rights. Yea, that one.

Well… here’s what happened:

I talked to S two days before the hearing and she confirmed that she wanted us to adopt Peach. She had a few legitimate questions like, “Are you 100% sure you want to adopt her?” and when I said yes she proceeded to say the plan was for her to do the voluntary for Peach but not for her 2-year-old brother (who is being foster-adopted by another family).

After our conversation I told Nick I felt relieved that I got a chance to express myself honestly, even if nothing else came of it. Nick was already convinced she’d back out (like she did at the last two court appearances) but I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and figured it was a 50/50 toss up.

S asked if I could give her and her boyfriend a ride to court, and I agreed, even though it was strictly against the GAL’s advice.

My position has been to continually offer a hand of friendship to S, despite the inconveniences that has posed, which is why I ignored the GAL this time.

In the end, the GAL was right about one thing – her boyfriend’s anger issues flared up while I was driving them home but thankfully he asked me to pull over and let him out to walk the rest of the way. Bullet dodged.

But back to the court drama…

After S’s attorney announced that she was “seriously considering” doing a voluntary at the next court date, she and her boyfriend (not Peach’s birth dad) asked for official visits to be reinstated ahead of their TPR trial in January. Which really upset the judge.

“You two are treating these kids like pawns. Coming and going from their lives whenever you feel like it. It’s time you start owning up to your decisions – you made your bed, now you’ve got to lie in it.”

A few moments later he issued a no contact order that completely bars S from seeing Peach at all, which means she’s been entirely cut off.

This is the first time since Peach was removed that there have been any real consequences. Pretty much every court hearing since her removal has been about giving S more time to get herself together and to start complying with the requirements of return… but this time the judge decided to take reunification off the table and make adoption the only part of the permanency plan. Finally.

The irony is that she had it pretty good before she decided to try and keep playing the system… up until now we’ve facilitated unofficial visits and I was even planning on throwing her 1-year-old son a birthday party the very.next.day. Which of course we had to cancel because of the no contact order.

Had she gone ahead with the voluntary she would’ve been invited to Thanksgiving again and to Christmas, plus we’d have allowed other visits in between. Now our hands are tied and she’s effectively disappearing from Peach’s life yet again… and I’m not sure that we’ll be as open to having her re-enter the picture. Last time there was a 4 month gap between visits and it was really upsetting to Peach when the visits started up again – she told me, “Seeing Mommy S made me remember I’m sad.”

It’s a tough balance. We don’t want Peach to think we’re keeping her from S but then again it’s as if seeing her prevents the wounds from fully healing.

The judge’s decision makes it easier for now – there won’t be any visits until the trial is resolved, and we’re confident that the trial will result in the termination of S’s parental rights. Depending on when that all happens we’ll have to figure out what’s in the best interest of Peach. Is it to cut ties, at least until she’s a bit older? Or is it to have S stay in the picture as an auntie-type figure?

I honestly don’t know anymore.