I got the best birthday present last year on my 27th birthday – that was the day we got the call from our social worker that we’d been matched with Peach.
I’ll forever remember that moment, standing outside of the car wash listening to the description of a five-year-old whose name we’d learn the next day when we were presented with her file.
In just a few days she’ll be starting 1st grade, and this year, we get to be there to see her off.
What a difference a year makes.
I’ve had a rollercoaster of emotions about Peach’s relationship with her birth mom.
On the one hand I want her to feel connected to her.
On the other, I worry about the disappointment of missed visits.
The inconsistency got so bad I stopped telling Peach about the visits and just let them be a happy surprise if they worked out.
Then the visits stopped altogether after her birthday in April. Her birth mom S kept making excuses, changing dates, and ultimately stopped returning my texts when I’d try to schedule something.
I think it all just became too much for her, and I can’t blame her. Oh the heartache to hear her daughter call me mommy.
A few days ago she texted and asked if she could see Peach so I suggested we go to a local water park. I figured if she canceled or didn’t answer the door when I went to pick her up that at least we’d all still have fun.
But there she was – on time and everything.
I was pleasantly surprised to see them interact for more than a few seconds – Peach has really matured in the past 4 months and has this budding self-confidence which makes me so proud. S kept shaking her head and saying, “I keep thinking of her as a baby but she’s so big now.”
Every time I’m with S I can see the sadness behind her eyes. I can feel the heaviness of regret for years of broken promises and lost time.
“If only…”
It’s not easy building or maintaining a healthy relationship with a birth parent. I know we’re lucky because lots of birth parents are far too toxic to be involved at all, but even in the best cases there are so many landmines to dodge.
Then days like today happen and I know that this is the best gift we can give to both of them. S got to see how happy and loved Peach is, and Peach got to see that S is doing well. (Peach told me that she worries about S’s safety – for good reason.)
I’m getting better at managing my expectations and just enjoying these moments, knowing each positive interaction is a step in the right direction for all of us.
Peach & S relaxing in the shade
