Working at a homeless shelter this summer has opened my eyes to the desperate needs in my new community. In many ways I’ve consciously walked past the homeless, unaware of what I might be able to offer them. A desensitization to the dirty and needy took place while growing up in affluent suburbia. Perhaps it’s a necessity to stay satisfied with the status quo which keeps the poor out the door, and under the mat.
Today a new family came in – a woman, her teenage son and grade-school aged son. All three looked embarrassed, and angry. I welcomed them, and for a brief moment I felt their pain, their rage. This wasn’t what she wanted or expected for her life, or theirs.
At Kristen’s church on Sunday the pastor talked about what it means to be a Christian. She explained that once a person has decided to join a faith community there are expectations placed on them. Every group acts a certain way. Having a relationship with Christ isn’t just about believing the right creeds, or saying the right things, but it involves joining a family with expectations about how to live. It involves feeding the hungry, clothing the naked and sheltering the homeless (just to name a few).
I think we do what we love. We talk about what we are truly interested in. It’s easy to make time for people if you genuinely care for them. As soon as it becomes about getting a reward (present or future), people can feel it. Sometimes I’m able to love others, and sometimes I am too selfish to slow down. I’m working on it.
We received a crate this afternoon – a donation of back to school backpacks loaded with supplies for our 30+ kids.
There is always hope…
Supporting human rights in the Arab world is my career goal; yet sometimes even I can barely read the news coming out of the Middle East because it’s so heartbreaking. Gaza has once again become the target of Israel’s high-tech weaponry.
In one twenty-four hour period, Palestinians received repeated sonic booms (a fairly common form of Israeli mass terrorization if you didn’t already know), two major bridges connecting the north to the south were bombed (which threatens transportation both for medical & educational purposes), mock air raids over southern refugee camps spreading wide panic, and aerial bombardment knocking out the main water pipe which feeds Nuseirat and El-Bureij refugee camps.
As if that wasn’t enough – the IDF also decided to destroy major sections of Gaza’s only electricity plant – plunging roughly 45% of Palestinian homes into darkness. The cost of repairing the damage is $15 million dollars and could take six months – however, the PA has already been denied funds promised so what are the odds this project will receive any money?
What’s Israel’s excuse this time? A soldier was kidnapped. Gilad Shalit was a tank gunner at a military post inside the green line in southern Gaza. (Despite the fact that it’s quite likely he has shelled Gazan civilians, his life is still precious.) Interestingly enough, he is also a French citizen and the French ambassador to Israel has promised France will assist in his release – although he is serving in illegally occupied territory which violates the Fourth Geneva Convention, of which France is a signatory. Minor details.
I would never deny it’s an incredibly frightening time for the Shalit family – but it’s important to remember that they are experiencing only a taste of what their Palestinian counterparts feel everyday. It’s important to know that the militants’ raid followed two bloody weeks for Palestinian civilians, including a shelling killing 8 while on a beach (7 members of the same family) – 32 injured (13 of them children), a missile attack killing 11 (injuring 30), and another missile attack killing 3 children (wounding 15 others).
President Bush’s response to the escalating violence was that “Israel has a right to defend herself”. What defense?! So it’s okay for Israel to impose collective punishment for one soldier, but the militants who took him were not allowed the excuse of defense even though it was a military outpost which has regularly shelled local civilian women and children?
I suppose defense is only justifiable when it fits the military side you agree with. This is an inherent problem with war and conflict – it looks radically different depending on the side you’re standing on.
“Kidnapping an Israeli soldier will not bring us one inch closer to peace, yet neither will Israeli revenge attacks, pre-emptive attacks or collective punishment, like cutting food supplies, electricity or water. The only Israeli logical response which would satisfy the Shalit family and other bereaved Israeli and Palestinian families would be to end the occupation. The time is now. The time has always been now – Israel, when will you learn?”
Rifat Odeh Kassis, a Palestinian human rights activist and president of Defense for Children International.
So there are only a few hours left of 2004 … and I figure I outta get one more blog entry in before the year ends.
Carolyn & I got back from Israel/Palestine today.. well actually yesterday – we crossed over at the southern border and stayed the night in Aqaba after visiting with some of my host family that lives down there.
Our bus ride from Jerusalem to Eilat was VERY interesting to say in the least… It’s hard to even know where to start or end because I have so many stories I have to choose from each day.. or else this blog would be enormously long and no one would read it. So here goes….
At the bus station is where I’ll begin..
We had arrived early enough to get some breakfast at the station. While in line I noticed a middle aged couple speaking with a New York accent, and after they heard us struggling to order they approached us and struck up a conversation about where we were traveling to and from. They quickly let us in the know that they were “what some call settlers”.. and that they lived in a community of 110 families far out (meaning one of the most eastern settlements in Palestine). They were extremely sweet people.
They talked about how they were Jewish and had moved there five years ago and had since learned Hebrew … After chatting awhile they insisted on giving us all their digits so that we could come and visit them .. they said, “we have tennis courts, and a pool and everything.”
I’m quite curious as to life out there.. when we told them we lived in Jordan they were reallly shocked. They asked us if we had to live on compounds because of the danger. Although their settlement is only about 20-30km from Jordan they had absolutely no information about it, and when we described it as a safe place, fully equipped with McDonald’s and Mecca Mall they were honestly awestruck. This must’ve gone against everything they’d heard.
Hearing their angle was good for me. It’s easy for me to lose sight of the fact that on both sides there are good people who honestly feel they’re right in what they’re doing. I really want to better understand it all.
After that encounter we boarded the bus heading south. We stopped at one point down at a resort on the Dead Sea to let some people off and found ourselves in a sea of American tourists – feeling so different and lost. They were all chatting away, wearing bikinis and excited to be tanning and floating at the same time. Carolyn turned to me and said, “I really just don’t fit in with them anymore.” And I couldn’t have agreed more. My world has changed a lot.
Anyways we got back on the bus and thats when the most insane thing happened. The bus was overcrowded and some people were standing or sitting in the aisle as is customary… when all of a sudden an Israeli woman flings open a Palestinian’s coat and starts screaming, “He’s got a bomb strapped to his waist…HE’S GOT A BOMB!!! .. He’s a terrorist!! Someone stop him!!”
Granted, I couldn’t understand Hebrew but I could see thats what she was talking about by her frantic gestures and all the commotion stirring up. I leaned over to a woman across the aisle and she confirmed my suspicion…. she was saying he was a suicide bomber.
It was hard to see what was going on .. but the bus was still moving, even though she was still screaming.. and the few glimpses I caught, the man looked really confused and stunned.
Within a few minutes the rest of the people on the bus had calmed down and people started explaining to me that she was just crazy and saying that because he’s from Gaza (aka he’s an Arab).. and he was the only one on the bus so he was an easy target to humiliate.
She never apologized and just continued for the next 30mins to an hour.. talking about how she had saved us from the terrorist (who was just a normal guy riding the bus). Others told us that its a way to keep the Arabs off the buses – by having people show how low they are .. she was basically just trying to get him kicked off.
I was sooo appauled. Right there in front of me was a guy my age being persecuted because of his ethnicity. It was like stepping back in time to the days of blacks being made to ride in the back – but maybe even worse.
I felt so terrible for him … he had to just continue to stand there in the midst of it all and she was never even punished for it – she could just do whatever she wanted and he had to take it. It’s difficult to put into words just how horrible of a scene it was .. Carolyn & I wanted to go and apologize to him for the woman since no one else seemed willing, but we never got the chance before he got off the bus.
Carolyn later told me her life flashed before her eyes when she heard people saying he had a bomb… it didn’t happen to me, I dunno why..it just seemed strange – I simply had the thought, “is this how I’m going to die?” … and thats about it.
It was one of those surreal experiences that I doubt I’ll ever forget. It’s a good thing I had met that cute couple earlier in the day to counter that woman on the bus, or else I think I would’ve left with very few good things to say about the people I had met on “the other side”.
What can I say about 2004? It’s been radically life changing … my entire world seems to have shifted upside down … The whole planet seems to have gone mad … and yet more than ever, I see a hope – shining through the dense darkness .. a light .. more powerful than all the bad and wrong .. stronger than the hate and violence … a love … deeper than the ocean and higher than the skies above … It’s real … more real to me than ever before .. and I finally see just how desparate humanity is for true love, true compassion. The whole world – the one without distinctions of race, religion, gender, socio-economic status, location, etc.
This year I keep hearing questions in mind ask…Who is willing?? ..Who will be with them, and comfort them, and clothe them, and feed them?? ..Who will love them??
I’ve decided … all my ambitions are pathetic and useless if they don’t positively affect the world around me .. if I’m not someone who loves others then I’m not fulfilling my life’s purpose, even if I achieve great success. I’m willing .. whatever that means … I am. My New Years resolution is to learn how .. to get better at loving, both the loveable and the seemingly unloveable.
“And though I can tell the future, and understand all the mysteries of the world and have all knowledge, and though I have all faith so that I could perform any miracle – even moving a mountain; yet if I don’t have love, I am nothing.” 1 Cor. 13: 3
I hope you all have a great holiday … Happy New Years!!
Happy Thanksgiving!! I know its only 1am on Thanksgiving morning so everyone is probably still asleep there.. by the time you get up and dressed our thanksgiving will be ending though. 
It doesn’t really feel like Thanksgiving, which is okay.. it will once we all get together over at Keith & Christi’s … like 4 families, plus all the single folks are going over there for a huge turkey feast – and this year they were able to get turkeys into Amman on time for the actual day! It’s awesome.
Yesterday I was supposed to make a Thanksgiving meal for my host family, but it didn’t happen. I feel like I should vent about this to get over it .. yesterday my ATM card refused to work .. and without any money its hard to get anywhere… so I was getting pretty upset. My friend Carrie was with me and owed me some money so we were able to put the groceries on her credit card and it worked out alright. It was a huge fiasco trying to get all the ingredients.. and finally after an hour/half I was on my way home with 5 bags of groceries for this meal. I got up to the second floor where our apt door is and I could already smell that they were cooking something inside. When I walked in I realized that Zuhair’s (my host dad) family had come over. Nisreen had decided to cook dinner for them. I felt really hurt.. mostly because I knew she wasn’t telling me the whole truth. Granted, she didn’t know that they were coming over.. she said she made dinner because they didn’t want to stay long. Well first off, Arabs ALWAYS want to stay long.. and secondly, they rarely come over because they live in a village almost 2hrs away, so clearly they’d be there til very late.
I abandoned my groceries and Thanksgiving plans feeling pretty sad about the whole thing. I had been so happy to share something from my culture with them.. and the real reason it didn’t happen was cuz she didn’t know if they’d like the food. We didn’t end up eating for 2-3hrs, and of course they stayed until late.. and I had spent the last of my money & a lot of time/energy for nothing.
Today my ATM card is still not working – so something has to happen cuz I’m leaving for Germany tonight …its been a pretty frustrating ordeal. Not having access to my money is a really dispairing feeling.. like being lost without a way home. I know it’ll work out, but since the banks in the states are closed for the holiday it probably won’t get fixed until sometime next week when I get back to Jordan. *sigh* Oh well…
Anyways I really am so excited about Thanksgiving… I think it’ll help to just forget about the last few stressful situations which is good.
Sorry for my website not working – my credit card expired and I’m still waiting to recieve my new card… it’s a whole nother fiasco in and of itself… anyways as soon as I get it my website will be back up & with all new photos, etc. =)
One last thing: a few days ago I went to distribute some of my family’s zakat (the 2.5% Muslims are required to give) to the poor people in their family. I went to a far-removed cousins house a few miles away from our own.. The husband had died over a year ago leaving his wife and five children with basically nothing. The oldest boy (14 or 15yrs old) works as much as he can after school trying to help support their family. They live in a TINY.. and I mean very very tiny apartment. They have one bedroom and also use the family room as a bedroom.. and the living room comfortably only seats maybe 5 or 6 people its so small. It was the poorest family I’ve ever seen… and sitting there in the plastic lawn chair they use as furniture I realized how many things I have to be thankful for.. and what a responsibility I have to bless those around me who don’t have what I have. What good are expensive clothes, cars, etc .. if people next door can’t feed their children? I clearly heard a voice inside say, “she represents all the widow you’re to love” .. thats what we’re all called to do – do we truly love her? I don’t think I do.. you know what one of my first reactions when I sat down was? “Man this furniture is so dirty, I hope this stuff doesn’t get all over my jacket.” As soon as I thought that I felt so ashamed.. I don’t want to be like that ever. I’m changing in so many ways here – I want to be like clay .. I’m not always, but I keep praying to be made into someone less like me and more like the One who was so selfless, in life and in death. Its really been an eye-opening experience – sometimes I feel like life here forces me to see myself .. the real me… the greedy, selfish me.. and once I’m confronted with such an ugly image it pushes me to really change.
I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving with lots of turkey, stuffing, etc…. Remember to be truly thankful – that means demonstrating it to those around you. I love you all and miss you in a special way today, but am so happy I’m here.. despite the chaos I sometimes encounter.. its worth it all.
Happy Holidays!!
